Life is full of lessons, some forced and some sought, but all full of growth, experience, and opportunity. I have much to share as it pertains to my story and the lessons I have learned, how trauma impacted my life and my road to recovery, my journey as a young mother, my path with education and career, and my experiences owning a farm. All experiences that have shaped who I am, and where I am in life.
I experienced a tremendous amount of emotional and sexual abuse during my teenage years. I experienced loss due to death and abandonment. I coped with things in unhealthy ways. I spent a lot of years being too busy to think, or too numb to feel.
I didn’t begin my healing, until I was an adult, and believe this process to be an ongoing one. But I hope to share some experiences that might shed light in to other’s worlds, as I too have learned from stories others have shared. This blog area is the most challenging for me to share. I have spent many years of my life trying to piece my own story together in a way that makes sense, and helps me gain understanding of who I am, and what my purpose is.
I am grateful to now be in a place where I am awake and alive to the world around me and connected to those in my life. I have worked very hard to be this person I am proud to be today.
I have learned that the only thing you can really depend on is that things are constantly changing, and there is a steady stream of opportunities to practice lessons learned, to learn new things, grow, and have new experiences. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that while reasons may not be apparent at first, the sooner we accept them and grow from them, the sooner we will gain understanding and move forward. Not all the things that happen to us are due to our choices or things we have control over, but we always have a choice in how we handle it.
I dropped out of high school when I was 16, because I wanted to work full time, and save money to move to Colorado. I instead became pregnant and ended up spending my saved money on nursery furniture and adulting. By the time I was 35, I had a master’s degree, a great resume, had been living in Colorado for 10 years, and had a healthy and independent 18yr old son. A year later, I paid off all my debt.
I have learned other things, that are less heavy in nature. I was lucky to own a hobby farm in Colorado for 11 years. I had a variety of animals…horses, donkeys, llamas, goats, a pig, chickens, ducks, turkeys, a calf, cats, and dogs…a large garden and flower beds, and a never-ending supply of projects. I learned so much during this decade and saw so many incredible things when it comes to animals. I achieve my goal of wanting to raise my son on a farm, and loved watching him experience, learn, and grow from farm life.
My mission for the last 4 years, has been to ‘learn to love myself completely’, and a key step to this mission has been to learn who I am, and what I need in order to feel happy and content with life. I am as close to there as I have ever been. I wonder if my next step is to become comfortable sharing my story, and the most vulnerable parts of myself, with others.